Over the course of life, we may well at times encounter difficult people. The following are reflections on how to relate to such people, from a broader perspective — based on the Four Reminders.

(1) Precious Human Birth

Contemplating the precious human birth helps to inspire a deep renunciation of the limiting concerns of this lifetime — for example, why spend and waste valuable time (years sometimes) in being overly anxious over a difficult relationship. Instead, the mind ought to be filled with gratitude for the unbelievably precious opportunity  we have in this lifetime to understand the personal relevance and universal meaning of Buddhist teachings. 

(2) Impermanence and Death

Reflecting on impermanence and death should be a powerful spur to not waste the time that we have left in life. One way to waste precious time is to continue carrying a grudge or negativity toward someone we may not like. To have total peace when death arrives, it is important to fully and unconditionally accept and forgive anyone toward whom we may carry any bad feelings or lingering ill will — that is, to fully let go! Otherwise, if we continue harbouring dislike and hatred in our dying moments, we will undoubtedly incur rebirth in one of the three lower realms of suffering. 

(3) Karma

We often act totally unaware of karmic consequences. We then blame our misfortune on outer circumstances, including people. We are oblivious to the fact that our unfavourable outer situations are a direct result of our own conduct! We typically blame other people when circumstances are unpleasant, rather than accepting responsibility for our problems.

(4) Suffering of Samsara

We need to understand that no sentient being in any of the six realms lives in lasting happiness — all experience misery and suffering. Those whom we may have difficulty with are not living in endless bliss — they, too, have their sufferings. This can help prompt compassion for all beings.

(Alexander Peck. September 12, 2021)

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An Interesting Note Regarding the Four Thoughts

The saintly lama Tulku Arig, who lived in the Tromt’har region of Eastern Tibet, always emphasized the four contemplations in his teachings. 

He spent his whole life in retreat, until his death in 1987 at the age of eighty-three. 

When the Chinese came, they did not harass him as much as they did other lamas, because he had so few possessions and always lived in a tent, hut, or cave. Also, on the various occasions when they did send people to badger him, these people could not sustain their hostility in the presence of Tulku Arig’s purity. If they came back several times, their minds would turn with faith toward Tulku Arig, rendering them useless as subversives for the Chinese.

Because he was in retreat, opportunities to receive teachings from him were rare. He could teach at any level, from the sutras to the highest Great Perfection, but for years he chose to teach the four thoughts. 

Those who grasped at what they regarded as higher levels of Vajrayana pleaded with him to move on to other teachings. 

He adamantly refused, saying, “The lineage lamas before me meditated for years and years to understand the full meaning of the doctrines. If this teaching, which was worthy of those lamas, is not deep enough for you, you should go someplace else. I don’t have any teachings deep enough for you.”

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Source: Based on Ngondro Commentary: Instructions for the Concise Preliminary Practices of the New Treasure of Dudjom. Compiled from the Teachings of His Eminence Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche by Jane Tromge. Junction City, CA: Padma Publishing, 1995.

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